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Edition 1DX TUE 11 SEP 2001, Page Law 12
How to be the perfect lawyer -
Setting the Scene: you have just turned 40 and you've been cutting a sharp figure down at the Old Bailey for the past couple of years (or so all the female pupils in chambers tell you). You have jettisoned your heavyweight chalk-
You're a premier league player who could call on half a dozen High Court judges to give you a five-
Most solicitors are just about capable of forming their own opinion. Bragging "I
got him off" is as welcome to a solicitor's ears as news of a Friday night conference
at Wormwood Scrubs. Far better to put on a look of stunned disbelief at the verdict
"Maintaining your right of silence" when a restaurant bill arrives might prove a
Nothing is guaranteed to ensure your next private brief more than a flaming row with
the prosecution in court in full view of your client (the jury will love it, too).
Your delicate submission of "no case to answer" will never be the subject of whispered
conversation at Belmarsh. But the news of your stand-
Avoid the cliches: Do you groan at Christmas when you find you are being offered
a repeat diet of the Sound of Music, My Fair Lady and The Great Escape on television?
Well, the legal equivalent are the cliches on parade endlessly at the Old Bailey.
Expressions such as "let's take this in stages" (a euphemism for "Slow down -
Conclusion: To be England's answer to Clarence Darrow, dress expensively, drive a
fancy car, don't boast, avoid cliches, lose your temper in court, and pick up the
occasional tab at El Vino's -
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